aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)
Ok, I really feel like hitting someone. Not anyone in particular, I just feel like doing some violence. Does someone have any help with how to deal with that? Should I just go out and look for someone to fight? Cause I'd probably lose.


ETA: I used the tried and true method of making loads of noise with my guitar. With my headphones on, because it's late here, but damn, you gotta love a v-amp! It's like a noisemaking machine!
aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)
You know what I fucking hate? People who come with their helpful little advice, like "you just have to pull yourself together". FUCK YOU! It's called a depression for a fucking reason, it's not like it goes away from a fucking condescending peptalk.

God, I really hate the world, I hate my living situation and I hate my life.
aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)
This day, you guys. Or maybe this life. Anyway, I managed to miss the train I was supposed to go on, so now I'll be, not late exactly, but I won't have the time I imagined. Also, going to a wedding tomorrow, and everything in me screams "Stay at home! Hide in your bed!"

So much anxiety lately, it's starting to feel silly. Except more tragic.
aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)
I feel so, so much like shit. Like, you wouldn't believe how much. Or maybe you would. If you want to imagine it it helps if you've had depression and basically slept for three weeks, not done anything that should be done and worried people unnecessarily. My parents actually threatened to call the police if I didn't give them a sign of life. Not my finest hour, I tell you.

Also, one of my best friends has been dumped by her girlfriend of four years, more or less without reason. Apparently she wanted to "find herself" and couldn't do that in a relationship, despite my friend suggesting they live apart, have an open relationship and stuff like that. Strangely this makes me feel, not better, exactly, because I feel horrible about it, and listening to someone crying on the phone when you can't be there to comfort them is never fun, but it gives me something else to focus on, which is good. I just wish it hadn't been this.

*

Completely unrelated: where do I find a beta for a rather disturbing fic about torture and necrophilia (though not graphic necrophilia)?
aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)

So, yesterday I was writing a post, and then DW ate it... Anyway.

Work. I like work. It makes me tired, and it's annoying at times, but it makes me feel useful. Like I'm part of something, like I'm important, and that is good. It's really good. It stops most of the suicide thoughts, because I have a purpose now, in a way studying will never give me, I think. I'm not saying academia is not important, but it makes me feel irrelevant. No one cares if I come to lectures or not. So I think working at the same time as I study is the only way for me to get through this. Not because of the money but because of the 'doing something proper'.

Also, I like my collegues, which of course helps a lot, too.

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aron_kristina

October 2014

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